tonight on red eye! >> coming you up on red eye the competition heats up. find out who comes out on top. and, is joe biden enjoying being vice president? >> i mean, you know, look guys, i have to leave. and then finally one dog's historic stand against balloons. one of the stories on "red eye" tonight. she's young she's drunk and smells like a horrible morning on the bus. and he's beararely awake.
andy andy levi. and he has three nipples. i didn't have nipples in there before, i put in something else. and he looks like gandhi but he's all white. bernie mcguirk. the lede that's the first story. his parents were real lazy when they were naming him, oh, guy. >> it could have been dude. >> the third choice was "baby", because he was a baby. yes, government agencies are pushing back against isis's
media presence. fabio, for short, uses twitter and facebook accounts to control jihadis, telling them "think again, turn away." sounds like a song by morrissey. here's an example of the u.s. tweeting at an extremist, as you can tell we totally put him in his place, and now he loves freedom. i wonder are we at war with islam? >> and we are not at war with islam. we are at war with people who have perverted islam. >> perverted. now you're speaking my language. my pen pal, marie harp has taken back that we can't kill every terrorist. >> we cannot kill every terrorist, nor should we try. it may be too nuanced an
argument for some but it's really the smart way, that democrats, republicans, military commanders, our partners in the arab world think we need to combat this. >> this from tracy flick. any way, that's an election aside. nobody got, except you the viewer. let's take a look at one of the seminars at the conference on islamic extremism. >> i told you guys not to use my private collection. it's fun, but i have to go home and explain it. bernie? >> yes, greg. >> this social campaign, you think it would actually have any effect on young wanna-be
terrorists? >> the whole phenomenon is odd, like hitler tweeted out yesterday, we're going to invade czechoslovakia. it's odd that these savage animals are tweeting. but no it won't have any effect. first of all the whole nsa thing, this is what they were doing. this is what they do. they, and can you explain to us you cool heads, what trolling means. >> trolls is what it means. >> they are little people who live under bridges. >> but this seems to have a different thing. they're trolling people online. what do you mean by that? >> insulting, being mean, making fun of somebody. >> you assume that all people like me know what that means because you guys are these cool heads. >> i'm like a troll, but you're like a giant. you're like a giant that storms around, but i'm a little troll. >> now that's a different meaning than trolling online. >> i was thinking about role
playing later. i don't know what's going on here. our campaign to go after terrorists online at least to me sounds a bit embarrassing. >> i think that there is some merit in trying to combat the propaganda that they are perpetrating online and in social media. it is a real phenomenon. but let's say you're this potential jihadist, a young guy, and sitting on your twitter feed comes this message, with a blue check mark verified to be the united states government. oh, in that case, i won't, that probably is not super effective. >> i wonder when isis is going to get verified by twitter. that would be a real feather in their cap, joanne, people like you respect authority. would they respect the government tweeting at them? >> if you do like i do you learn to ignore the troll. don't respond to them don't listen to them, don't take it personally, so i think that they're not going to listen and this isn't going to work.
and also, if we're going to be giving them jobs, they can't be tweeting while they're working, unless their job is to tweet. and then we're just perpetuating this whole thing. >> hang on though what about reverse psychology, right? if you want to regent authority maybe we should be tweeting "join isis." i'm not going to obey the great satan, so why do it. >> let's talk about obama if that's his real name, still refuses to call extremism what it is. >> let's just call them haters. can we call them haters and be done with it? that's where we're going. let's just start calling them haters and everything is good. i thought that was one of the worst speeches the president was elected. i think we should lay off marie
harp. first of all i like her. she reminds me of you back in college. she's saying what she's been told to say. she's not setting policy, she's just implementing it. >> she's just following orders is that what you're saying? >> yes. >> wow. >> the administration doesn't want to call them that. the administration wants to talk about jobs and stuff like that. leave this nice woman alone i say. >> nuanced means seduced, right? >> yes, it's french. >> i can just see during that speech, it was horrible. i could just picture ruth bader ginsburg slumped over a half empty glass of wine. but as far as marie harp goes i'm a sucker for smart blondes with glasses on. she can say whatever she wants. as far as giving them job, we've given them all the gas station attendant job, the taxi jobs the deli clerks. we've done that, and isis is still on the march.
so that's not going to work. it hasn't worked in the past. >> is that your joe biden impression? >> that was my attempt. by the way, rudy jewelgiuliani said maybe we could employ them as butchers, which i think is pretty harsh. i say lumberjacks. but butchers is way over the line. >> how about the fax machines. nobody knows how to do that. do people still send faxes? >> i still send a fax now and then. what are we talking about? >> getting back to the president's speech, he spent most of that speech explaining why americans need to be nice to muslims, which i'm getting tired of, not because i don't agree with it -- i do. but if you look at the fbi's uniform crime reports between 2001 and 2012, 66% of the hate crimes commit the over religion were committed against jews.
we never hear about that for some reason. >> i wonder why. >> if you listen to the president and people, you would think that americans are running around committing hate crimes against muslims, when in fact, it's a fatherly small percentage compared to jews. and once again, it is about the jews. >> and many of those hate crimes being perpetrated against jews are being perpetrated by -- >> i don't think we should say muslims. >> this is about isis, right? >> right. >> we should get serious. what bottom line the question is, what are we going to do about isis? we're criticizing obama all the time, left and right, what he says, what he doesn't say. but what do you want to do? what should we do? should we send, people what do you want to do, send over troops against, a la iraq? you have 60,000 people
surrounded which these people, armies numbering in the millions. why do we send our guys back into a meat grinder when they should take care of it. that's a serious thick. >> i don't agree with all the things. i don't know what they will be encountering when they get there. i think part of the fear of this whole thing is that we we, we build up the fear, because we don't know what it is. because we're not on the ground. i think that they're succeeding because no one is challenging them. that's the way i see t if somebody has to challenge them, i agree with you the other countries should, but i also think it has to be on the ground. >> egypt and uae were just bombing them this week. >> they'll say we'll use our troops but no occupation. you can't just eradicate them and leave. by nature you have to have an occupation. we'll be back the same as we were before. i don't hear a lot of people talking about it. >> that's the point. that's what marie harp says. they need occupations!
>> round of applause. >> thank you, thank you ladies and gentlemen. >> all right. >> i didn't applaud. >> you know why? because you have funny little hands. okay. they get a diploma then move homea. more americans are returning to the nest than 30 years ago. that's three decades. the number has gone to 22% to 30%. and maybe not coincidently the same age group now boasts more college degrees. another interesting stat, in 1980, i was hot -- no. 40% of 18 to 24 year olds have never been married. let's check in with a typical millennial.
[ speaking in foreign language ] >> woo-hoo! >> that wasn't too bad. >> that was fun. >> i was hoping something bad would happen. not harmful but bad. >> is that guantanamo? >> i think it was. that's when you leave. you get all your belongings and you go down the gitmo slide. by the way, there's a fun little dance. >> like at weddings. >> the gitmo slide. >> what happens with the water i don't know. serious question. do you think there's a link between the rise in college degrees and the rise in living with the parents? >> to some extent, because you've got people coming out of school with their degree, and they can't put it to good use with high-paying jobs to which they, we assume we're entitled. i think the biggest thing actually this is armchair psychology stuff. but people are a screw up in a
time of really, just an economic boom. real prosperity. and so there was a sense of this is how things are, this is what we're entitled to. so when you get out of college, oh, wait, i have to live this way? ah, no. i'll save my money and stay with my parnents because i love my job and i want to remain comfortable. >> do you think there's a rise between the college degrees and the rise in living with the parents? >> without a doubt. just the way you said it, the authority that you express it. you know what here's what's missing. the premium put on college degrees. president obama talking about free college. how about some free trade schools? how about teaching these little dummies to get their fingernails dirty. >> welders. >> welders carpenters. we don't need more people with college degrees. there's no wonder they're living
in basement and calling contractors to fix the house. >> he could fix the basement while he's down there. he could earn his keep. >> joanne serious question. do you think there's a link between the rise in college degrees and the rise in living with a parent? >> yeah. because both things did the same thing at the same time. >> yeah. >> right. finally somebody figures it out. >> millennials are used to instant gratification. we didn't use snail mail, well maybe occasionally. >> we use it ironically. >> developing film churning butter, we don't have to wait for these things to happen. so we want to be millionaires, but we don't want to work for it. we see all these people who have somehow gotten lucky and were at the right place at the right time. and we're just waiting for that right time to happen to us, and it's not happening. >> the plethora of the 500 cable channels allows us to see more
wealthy people, and wealthy people at a young age which makes us think that it's easy to come by. everybody can be a kardashian, even andy lee. do you think there's a rise in college degrees and the rise in living with a parn? >> not at all. here's what i think the link is. from 1980 to now that same group, military veteran percentage dropped from 9.4% in 1980 to 2.4% now. that's a drop of 7%. pretty much mirrors the rise in the percentage of people living at home. so if you're looking for something that goes together. i think it's a bunch of people too scared to join the military. >> there you go. >> by the way, it's not necessarily a bad thing for someone to temporarily move back in with their family. >> i don't. you need a break on rent. >> if you have parents to let you do that. >> i was raised to believe thatving at home is such a drag because your mom threw away your
best porno mags. >> i like living at home. i got to know my mother, for i came back in 1988 did chores and. >> there's nothing wrong with it. >> it's a temporary thing, and it's totally fine. but i think what we're seeing is people doing it for longer and longer because it's comfortable and the parents are not saying get out. >> it's kids saying, you know what is really cool, if i could have a separate entrance to my room. that's when it's teamime to kick them out when they're demanding like an apartment-style. bat ronald lived in the walls. you don't know what i'm talking b bad ronald. scott jacoby? a made-for-tv movie, about a guy. >> the millennials at the table
have no idea, right? >> bad wrong! and you at home, the one person i'm talking to the entire time knows this movie i'm talking about. bad ronald. one of the greatest made for tv movie, where a guy's family dies or something and he moves into the walls and another family moves in and he lives in the walls. >> i think that's a dream you have. >> it's a dream that i have had. it's almost as good as prayer for the wildcats. come on, andy griffith? when he harasses those hippies in the desert? >> what are you smokin' tonight? >> pray for the wildcats. andy griffith, he plays this businessman who's like dune buggy riding and they run into some hippies and they harass the hippies. it's such a great movie. andy griffith as a bad guy. nobody ever saw that before. it was amazing. all right, shut up. >> please. >> i'm talking to myself.
>> no time for sergeants maybe but come on. >> coming up. hummingbirds, nectar-seeking creatures, harbingers of the anti-christ. of all the places in your house, this one's the busiest. so you want it to be the cleanest. that's why you need lysol. because when you use bleach, some stains are left behind. as this dye reveals. lysol toilet bowl cleaner does more. it removes the tough stains that bleach doesn't and it also disinfects. so why just bleach? with lysol you can do more. that's healthing. and get max cleaning and freshness with every flush. try lysol no mess max.
♪ ♪ ...manage your appointments... [ dog barks ] ...and check your connection status... ♪ ♪ ...anytime, anywhere. ♪ ♪ [ dog growls ] ♪ ♪ oh. so you're protesting? ♪ ♪ okay. [ male announcer ] introducing xfinity my account. available on any device. an armory? >> that's right. >> was his touch too much. vice president and america's creepy uncle joe biden got a close and uncomfortable situation with war carter's wife. >> thank you mr. vice president. i think you know how much it means to me to have you swear me
in today. >> the vp kept his hands on her shoulders for ten hours until they called the police. well until this happened. >> trust and confidence. got a lot of thanks to give out here, first and foremost to my perfect wife stephanie. >> mm. >> looks like sweet nothings to me. biden then put his hands on her again. [ laughter ] >> that was painful. >> like i've always said, gay marriage. a cat and a raccoon. but joe wasn't done grabbing attention. later while discussing the somali population he noted he has great relations with the somalis in his home state.
>> i might add if you ever come to the train station with me, i have great relations with them because there's an awful lot of them driving cabs. >> the american dream bernie. >> the difference between biden and me is i am engaging in satire. he was deadly serious. >> is he just an affection natate man and that's all there is to it. >> i did hear that he whispered in her ear if you can back up a little bit. she slipped on the ice a few hours earlier. he was trying to make her feel nice. >> i should have read that part. >> except for what he said. that was a little -- >> guys, is this an impeachable offense? >> i learned that the answer on this show is absolutely yes. everything is an impeachable offense for this administration. >> that was a true question because he's the vice president. you can't impeach the vice
president. you're going to have to go guy, we have some things for you. >> that's two trick questions tonight. >> i think you're wrong, because we've already impeached the president. so biden is the president so we're impeaching him as well. >> ipso facto, that's the name of my ferrets. >> this was less creepy than what he was doing at the swearing in ceremony. >>na is nathat is such an unfair tag. he's just an old guy. >> what if he was 30 years younger, an attractive, younger vice president, would it still be okay? >> that's reverse ageism. it's like, he's getting blamed for it. >> no it wouldn't be okay. >> would it? imagine if it was dan quayle a very sexy dan quayle. >> no, but you get a pass once you reach gray hair, past the
age of 70. >> really? you can be as creepy as you want? there are more guys with their robes up when they're 70 than guys in their 30s. [ laughter ] >> it was done by "robes monthly." at harvard the harvard robes symposium. >> it's not like he's some guy at a nursing home. he's the vice president. >> do you think with all those cameras around that he was molesting that woman, he was hitting on that little girl. >> he was leaning in for more kisses. she kept pulling away and he kept going. >> here's my theory. i'll go to you, andy. he likes putting himself in the center of attention when with the health care signing he likes to whisper something, because he knows you have friends like this, when you get a picture taken or when somebody's meeting a celebrity, they lean in and they know if they do anything like this, the camera comes on them. it's a thing people do. you see that on awards shows. i think he does this, andy,
because it takes the camera and everything and puts it on him. as the president's talking or whoever's talk he's doing something. that's my theory. >> i think he's a fred willard character. fred willard every character he plays says inappropriate things like go a jocular manner so it's okay. >> it's okay. >> one of them has based their career on the other. i'm not sure which one. >> interesting thing about fred willard. i heard three was not like in real life but he was playing that role so often that fred willard turned into fred willard. >> he was the guy he was the guy who was busted in the -- >> yes. >> porno theater. >> yes. >> i firmly believe that once joe biden is out of office he will be busted in a porno theater. >> i'm not letting that go without a mm. joanne let's say the vice president did the same thing to you, would you be, oh, wow, the vice president touched me?
you would tweet it, oh, he touched me. i felt his warm hands against my softbac, tweet, instagram alt things you do. >> and that chill would run up my spine and i'd follow him to wherever he whispered in my ear. i do wonder if his family or obama sits him down after things like this happen and tell him -- >> he doesn't care. >> -- you really shouldn't do this, because if they aren't there enabling him, they're allowing him to claim more victim and this's not right. >> mrs. biden, dr. jill biden. she sees this footage, rubbing the shoulders of this woman. >> i think it's, i'm, i think it's just an old guy just, like, i don't know. >> i think it is first degree sexual -- >> i tell you what's sick is when he gets in one of those cabs with the somali drivers, then he leans over while they're driving and puts his tongue in their ear. >> if you come to delaware i'm friends with these guys.
they're not your friends. >> he's that annoying guy who thinks he's everybody's pal. >> but i think the big question here, and we have to wrap this up because we've really taken this segment apart. he doesn't do this to men. he's homophobic. if he was doing this equally if he was rubbing the shoulders of, i don't know, the husband of insert nancy pelosi, then i would say oh, okay. >> he's a homophone. he's no better than those isis animals when you come down to it. >> he's sexist and homophobic. >> and racist and islam phobic. >> he should be appeased. coming up, why do jihadis love porn? because they're guys? but first a word from our sponsor. >> lions have been the king of the jungle for too long. we must remember that all animals are created equal,
penmanship, a-rod writes like a girl. he scribbled a letter to fans to apologize for his suspension. and the journal, which is owned by our parent company, men's wearhouse asked a handwriting expert to analyze it. paula a. sassi wrote, he writes like a girl feminine writing is more rounded, with lot of connections. his ps tested positive for steroids. a-rod still hit home runs. here's video of him after not doing steroids for a year.
♪ ♪ we're running kind of low on video. bernie i imagine you must feel strongly about a-rod. >> i do, first of all, he's gone from looking like duane the rock johnson so the singer marc anthony, when you see hem at spring training, but first of all, he was an idiot to release it during a slow sports news period. he should release his apology during deflate gate so he's stupid. i don't care about the stupid fans. he's got to apologize to these idiots? this guy's made more money. he's got more hiney than the rest of us. >> hey what about me? >> i'm talking to the fans. he does not care about you.
if you got throat cancer tomorrow, he would still enjoy his coffee and watch his soap operas. >> wow. >> get over a-rod's apology. >> do you write like a guy or a girl? that's sexist. >> i'm a yankee's fan, so this does interest me. and i do appreciate the apology. >> in your face, bernie. >> i don't really care. >> loser! >> you just got guy-ed. >> i want to go back to that handwriting expert. that is just a pile of nonsense. ooh, look at his as. shut up. the whole thing he writes like a girl wasn't there a super bowl commercial that warned us about this type of behavior and that type of characterization? >> why is writing like a girl sexist. it could be something that is girlish which i happen to think
is quite complementary. when someone says i have a girlish figure i blush. i really do. i maybe take $20 off the fee. >> they say that, is the girl talking about maud? >> yes. just curious. >> did nobody get that reference? >> no. no. no. >> your references. you're afraid to say leena dunham. the point here is it's sexist to say a man writes like a girl in a derogatory way. but it's okay to say that women have better handwriting than men. >> that's true. >> you have to understand how the game is played, and i'm a little disappointed that you don't. this looks like something out of john doe's notebooks. that is what i take from this. the only people who still right handwritten notes these days are serial killers. >> i don't believe that. >> or mothers. the only people who write in
cursive are your mom. >> i got letters from our viewers around the holidays. >> did you? >> yes, and they still write delightfully. they dot everything. >> that comes back. we millennials we hand write letters and send them by snail mail ironically. that does seem like i don't know, the publicist said do hand-written letters. >> has he hit on you? >> not yet. i haven't followed him on twitter yet, that's why. usually it's the follow and the follow back and a little messaging and tit-for tat. >> of you follow josh growban? >> i'm not a big fan.
>> i've heard stories. >> tested out. >> josh grogan fishing. how did we end up on grogan? a lot of women have said that. >> it's niece he wrote the letter, because people will never forgive you until you do an apology. because people are heartless. but really, the real fans will care about how he hits. >> he needs to retire. i don't think there's any redemption story for him. yankee fans hate him. people who hate the yankees hate him. >> i hate everybody. i hate this story. their joy turned into the opposite of joy. there was a word for it. carnegie mellon september out 860 e-mails accepting students. it read, you are one of the select few that we're inviting. we are convinced this is the
right place. welcome to carnegie mellon. then later they sent out another e-mail saying it was a mistake. the students were applying for the master's program in computer science. as a consolation prize, they were beaten up by the cool jocks. how do you feel if this happened to you, and what should be done? >> what should be done? [ laughter ] >> i remember distently getting into college and it was my top choice, and i was trying to ma'am that being ripped away from me a few hours later. that would be devastating. and if it were a fewer number of mistakes i'd say let them in. but 800, you probably, you probably can't. >> i would say that if they don't let them in, there's going to be a class action lawsuit, bernie, and it's going to cost the school billions of dollars. they'll be forced to shut down and open a prison. >> this is horrendous, horrible
episode, and the psychological trauma these kids experienced -- >> it's going to live with them for years. >> yeah my heart just bleeds for them and for the a-rod fans, too, by the way. can you tell? no, look, it's a life lesson. you're going to have your ups, your downs, this is a down. get over it. >> you can't beat them. imagine if you had gone to college, and this had happened to you would you be crushed by the news? >> no because i don't trust any e-mails. you wait for the hard copy, people! that's the only time you want mail. i used to work at the office of admissions. yes, and i used to have to send out a lot of those acceptance and denied letters, and let's just say, when i worked there, there were a lot more mistakes than when i left. >> if you do it on purpose, it's not a mistake. what is your advice to these rejects?
>> i, look, it could have been much worse if they didn't catch it until the students actually showed up for school. >> yeah that would have been embarrassing. showing up at a party uninvited, andy. >> but thinking you were invited. >> yes andy greg. >> i thought it was, it's a mistake. i thought the fact that the followup said lol, jk, was not cool. >> next time apply to a real school chico state. >> you'll end up living with your parents anyway. >> this school has one of the top computer science programs in the country. that is scary. >> it is scary. i think we'll have to end up on that note. coming up 12 ways the world ends, unless it happens during commercials. and then we won't do the story. autographed copy ggutfeld.com.
likely causes of world annihilation a team from oxford university has published the first segment of apocalyptic risks. global pandemic. that's like a massive group of pandas. super volcano, like diarrhea. and extreme climate change nuclear war and unknown consequences, which is the name of my greatful dead tribute band. bernie! which scenario would you prefer to die in if you had a pick? >> i think the climate change. >> yeah. >> i think that, you know it gets a little warm. >> yeah. >> and it takes a long time. >> people walking around naked. >> not a bad thing. >> that's a horrible thing. i think that's the way i would opt to go out. >> guy, are we doing enough to stop these threats?
i mean, i'm worried. super volcano, that's not a normal volcano. we at least know where they are. we should take them out. >> and i obviously blame obama. >> i would hope so. on the list, i would probably go with the artificial intelligence thing. i've seen this. it's like "battlestar gallactica." and i would perhaps be one of those lucky few to escape. >> you had an active childhood. joanne, are you alarmed by this or not alarmed enough? >> i'm not alarmed enough. they didn't use enough exclamation points. i think the one i'm most worried about is bad local governance. not the cyber attack because bad local governance would just be awful. >> it would, it would. i didn't read the story, andy but i know one thing.
you welcome the end of humanity so this was exciting to you that there were so many options. >> i was disappointed that they only found 12 ways. >>'s like the applebee's of apocalypse. >> come to me. nuclear war? that is so 20th century. oddly missing from the list the ape uprising. no mention of that whatsoever. >> i have to disagree with you. asteroids are what did it, we were destroyed by asteroids once before, so it stands to reason there will be a sequel correct? >> we weren't destroyed by asteroids. >> well, how did we lose the dinosaurs? >> that's how we came to be. >> exactly but that's how we had climate change. >> climate change isn't real dude. >> i know it's not. >> never happened. >> what's real and wasn't on the list is the zombie apocalypse.
and the isis, when we talk about, where's the isis threat? >> well, you know what? >> that's the local governance one, i think. >> i think the worst part of any disaster will be all the people around you freaking out. >> yeah, i can't handle that. i'll probably be alone. >> everybody relax. >> i'm going to look for somebody with a gun. all right, coming up chipotle sucks. chipotle. got video of animals? send them to us.
chipotle, hip doesn't always mean healthy. an article reveefs that the average chipotle diner consumes 1,070 calories pervis visit. healthier meal options are found at fast food chains like tauco bell and mcdonald's. are you hip with that freak place? >> yeah. >> i hate you! >> i'm not scandalized by this at all. you don't go in chipotle assuming i'm going to have a healthy meal here. >> yues you do. >> but it's only fatty food. i generally eat two meals a day. i get half of my caloric intake.
>> chipotle's paying his bill. >> he's got a $5 gift card somewhere. >> i hate this place because they're so high and mighty. but they're not high and mighty. they're high and flat length. >> you can make that case. >> i have. >> like tonight. no. first of all, a lot of it depends on how much the attendant doles out. you get some disgruntled schmuck there late at night and you get half a bowl. earlier in the day, can you get a nice meal, and it's all in the guac. >> you eat fast food every day. so you're the healthiest person on the panel. >> i am actually. as a long time, fellow-chipotle hater, this article made me happy. here's what i'll really annoyed
at, places that have removed the word meat with protein. when they say oh what's your choice of protein, and your choices are beef or chicken or pork. and oh breakfast what's your breakfast protein. it's bacon! stop calling it protein. >> i love it because it makes me feel good about myself. joanne, thoughts has a customer? >> i go in as occasionally but just for the chips and guac. i don't like to eat a big meal, ever. >> i know. >> like salsa verde. this is all obama's fault because there's all these pictures of him going into there with that chicken chipotle bowl. it's not good for you. don't get the cheese and the sour cream and the guacamole. >> don't get anything there! don't get anything there!
>> a sailor who was with jfk aboard pt-109. >> the young man's mother begins a correspondents with the future president. >> i was shocked. >> the letters are tucked away for years. >> they could be of historical value, and worth a lot of month. >> this is a pressure that surfaces that no one knew existed. >> if they could prove they are real. >> the signatures look authentic. >> this is eye real signature? >> this is a real jfk sig signature. >> will bidders open their wallet? >>